itsbreduhh.

I care too much. I cry when something hurts me, when I’m happy, when I’m sad, and when I’m pissed. I make sure to know everything that needs to be known, I find out what needs to be found out, remind you of things you need to be reminded of, do things that you will definitely not do but it needs to be done, look after you, make sure you have everything you need, make sure your tummy is full, make sure you’re just happy. And me ? Nothing in return. You’re comfortable and it’s sad. You’re spoiled and it’s sad. You don’t try and it’s sad. I can’t do this anymore. I love you with all my heart. I’ve cried a million tears for you and I’m willing to do it all again because YOU ARE WORTH IT. I nag because I care. I ask questions and argue because I care. I do everything for you because I love spoiling you. I love you. Simple as that and as complex as ever. I would do anything for you. How many times should I repeat that ? I’ve tried and tried and tried to get you to appreciate me again. And maybe you do, but you don’t care to try anymore. No opening my doors. No calling just to tell me you love me. No texts back just because you know we’ll see each other in an hour or two. No cooking for me or bringing me snacks or offering anything. And I want it to be known that IDGAF what car you drive, how much money’s in the bank, or what kind of clothes you wear. It was alllllways about you. And that’s all I wanted. Just all of you, all of your heart, your head, your soul. But no. I give you mine and you put it in your closet like a jacket you don’t care to wear. I’m not at the front of your mind at all times and you know it. But everything I do, I think of you first. I’m done. I can’t take it anymore. Don’t think I don’t want to be with you, because I will ALWAYS be in love with you. But this time, this time, we’re done. Because I’m not going to let you just sit back while I do all the work to make this relationship last. I’m done. We’re done.

my cousin walked into my room. He looked at me, allowed me to vent to him, gave me little to no advice but also didn’t lie to me about what he thought about the situation. 

I FREAKIN LOVE my cousin. But don’t let him know that, it gets to his head. ;)

This is like the billionth time I’m putting a vent on tumblr but it seriously is like a diary. Anywho, you’re killing me, yet again. I feel like I do everything for you, your hw, projects, pay for food and gas and any entertainment, get you things when you want them. You’re spoiled and you know it. Thing is though, when you ask me to do things for you, I do it. On the spot. If you ask me in advance, I make sure to remember. But when I ask you to do something, even if its something remotely small, you let me down. Why is that ? And then when I have a problem and feel like telling you how i feel, you take it as you wanting to retreat or ignore me or not talk to me because i’m being a pain in the ass. Well YOU are a pain in MY ass. When I text you, i don’t expect to be waiting on your reply all damn day. When I’m at work, I CONSTANTLY check my phone to make sure that when you text me, I’m sure to text back. I haven’t gotten one text from you all day. ALL DAY. And yet, you’re the only thing i can think about. Funny huh ? How when you say I’m at the forefront of your mind, in actuality, that’s so far from the truth. Where am I at in your head btw ? Or in your heart ? I’d like to know. I honestly wanted to break up with you yesterday. And i did that. But then you decide to hug me with those arms that I love, talk to me with lips so sweet, and look at me with your gorgeous brown eyes. And I can’t take it. When I want to leave, i want to leave. I hate staying near you after I make a decision because you have the capability of changing my every thought. You’re a fuckin DRUG and I’m sooooo hooked. I love you so damn much. It’s sad cuz I know for a fact I’d do anything for you, anything at all. And honestly, I just am not sure if you would do the same. I’m here, being all bummy over the fact that I pissed you off. And you couldn’t even talk to me for more than a minute because I annoyed you. Now THATS sad. After practically begging me to stay with you, you still wanna act like this. It’s awesome. Really. When we fight, you automatically go to breaking up yet when i actually break up with you…”no babe, you can’t leave me. We’re supposed to be together forever.” I love you and I never wanna be without you but i’m getting tired. These things are getting much more frequent and it sucks. It sucks to try to talk and have me shut down because of the way i present it. Yes, I could be nicer. Yes, I could lower my voice or not cuss so much. But when you piss me off, you better believe you’re going to hear what i have to say. Idk. I really don’t. You tell me not to act out of spite. Well why not ? It’s the only way I can ever get through to you. 

Bring it on, babe.

Right now, I feel like giving up. As weak as that sounds, its true. I’m tired. I’m tired of doing everything for you and getting so little in return. I’m tired of trying to fix something, whether it be a fight or not, and having you not give a shit so much that you fall asleep as I tell you how I feel. I’m tired of texting you and feeling like I’m being a nuisance or irritating you or taking up your time. I’m tired of trying to get a job and having you say something about it. I’m tired of you telling me how to live my life. I’m tired of you not letting me tell you how to live yours. We’re a great couple. An AMAZING couple. We’re a power couple. I need you more than I need oxygen. You’re everything to me. You’ve taught me things, let me have fun and smile and enjoy life when all I wanna do is cry my heart out or stress and stress and stress. You’re my little pig :1 my big baby. My hunnybunnyumpkins and soooo much more….but i’m tired. And idk what to do about it. When i try to tell you how i feel, i get rejected or laughed at or you just dont understand and brush it off. “sorry, sorry, sorry.” all i ever hear but i dont see any results. I’m tired of having you on my mind at all hours of the day and having you forget i’m there. Maybe i’m being a baby again or maybe you’ve led me to believe that everytime i feel something, it’s just me “being a baby”. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I love you. I love you. I love you. I FUCKING LOVE YOU. But I’m sooooooo about to be done. Here i am, pouring my heart out to a couple megapixels and you’re over there sleeping like a baby. What happened to the fire ? Yes, its still there. But when things get hard, you insist on breaking up. As if thats what i want to hear everytime i have something to say ? I invited you over tomorrow after your appointment with every intention of breaking up with you. I told myself i’d be strong and just do it because I’ve had enough. But i know that once I open the door and see you standing there, I’m not going to want to yell, or fight, or push you away, or tell you its over. I’m just going to want to kiss you, and hug you, and tell you how much i love you and need you and want you. Boy, I know i’ve said this to a couple kids but you are my first true love. My one and only. The man I want to have my kids with. The man i know will protect me if someone tries to hurt me. And you still are that man. But it’s wavering. Lately, yes, you’ve been pissing me off. You’ve been irritating me or trying to annoy me but thats just because i think you’re acting selfish. I wish i could tell you all of this, i wish you could prove me wrong. I wish you would knock on my window and confess your love for me like you said you would do if i never called you back that day we had that fight. But baby, I’ve been waiting for you for a LONG time to surprise me or do something you normally wouldnt, like show up out of nowhere just to give me a hug, or call me in the middle of the day to tell me how much you love me. The other day we didnt see each other at all. Then we had that fight and you couldnt even pick up the phone to call me. I know a phone works 2 ways but baby, you know how stubborn i am. And i know how much your pride ruins you sometimes and i just thought maybe, you cared enough to put it aside for once. Just once. But no. You have yet to prove me wrong. And i think i’m done waiting. Movies teach us to fight for love at whatever cost, and wait as long as needed, but idk. I heard to truly know if you’re meant to be is to let something go and see if it finds their way back to you. Who knows if thats true. Idk. I’m done. I’m tired. And I don’t want to cry for someone that can sleep me off. Goodnight. I love you. Sweet dreams sweetheart. I’m done. I will always be in love with you.

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